


together

by espeon



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21766771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espeon/pseuds/espeon
Summary: "hoshino." his voice is gentle, smile she's grown to know so well set across his face. familiar, emitting the feeling of faith, hope, bonds, yearning, affection.she's crying, as silly as it is for a situation like this. she knows she shouldn't, but saeki doesn't mind. he understands, wiping away the stray tears on her cheek, warm touch from his thumb tingling on her skin.
Relationships: Hoshino Ichika/Saeki Yuzuru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	together

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for [otogehanami](https://otogehanami.wixsite.com/) last year with some minor adjustments. contains spoilers for information learned in yanagi's route. 
> 
> i've also taken liberties with how a *very certain thing* is administered in japan. you'll know it when you see it

**"... i wanted to see you.**

**that's all."**

* * *

_ arrested, questioned, thrown in a jail cell, death row. _

It had taken no time at all --- he had anticipated it when he was captured, handcuffs placed on him by Hoshino, her wish to not kill him herself playing in his mind. They both knew, deep down, he'll die regardless.

Due to the...  _ special _ circumstances, he had one simple final request: for the police officer that arrested him to be the same one to administer Zero’s death. A fitting reward for the one that saved the city from X-Day, he said.

They miraculously agreed, and thus he finds himself in this situation now -- sitting across from her with a plain table in between, his wrists cuffed together, waiting for Ichika to seal his fate. There’s a crowd of high-ranked police officers outside his cell, he’s sure, observing from the one-way mirror in case he tries something. Cameras decorating the room. They would be foolish to leave a rookie cop by herself against one of Japan's most notorious criminals.

Not that he has any intent on killing her --- despite her conflicting views and ideals, he has the smallest amount of hope for her to desire ridding the world of malice, to acknowledge that there's pain and suffering in the world that the laws do not help. That the police is corrupt, that change is needed in order to save everyone. If nothing else, that X-day has taught her this.

But, those are thoughts unfitting for a last encounter, aren’t they? 

Ichika's posture is tense, arms trembling, hands shaking, eyes appearing as if in the midst of tears, hesitation prominent on her face.

Such emotions are meaningless. Justice cannot waver.

  
  


"Hoshino." His voice sounds gentle, smile she's grown to know so well on his lips, yet his eyes are vacant, emotionless.

The tears are freely falling down her cheeks now, eyes watery, and he knows it'd be cruel to wipe them away gently with his thumb. He does it anyway, the trembling worsening, Ichika trying (and failing) to pretend he wasn't comforting her.

Her expressions were always the most entertaining to decipher, to see flourish to life. How could someone so bright as she, so full of justice, honor, virtue be attached to _ him _ ? Someone who hid who he truly was from her -- a murderer, bastard, has been legally dead for years. Has not had a single shine of happiness or affection in his life, or even felt like he was alive.

Not until her, at any rate.

He supposes that is what he’s feeling now --- happiness. Such an odd emotion. It makes him... happy to see her in pain, see her crying, see her hesitating, see the effect he has on her.

He clasps her trembling hand holding the injection, bringing it closer to his other arm lowered back on the table, his vein, the perfect spot for execution.

He feels the cool metal from the needle slide against the skin. Not much longer, now. She'll finally grant his wish for her being the one to kill him. Give justice for the lost lives he’s caused, gray area or no.

For the legal system there was only Black and White.

He was black. And her, white. White, so pure. Pure as her heart, her soul, the complete opposite of his. 

Yuzuru's smile grows, eyes showing the sadness he’s incapable of comprehending.

"In another life, perhaps I could have loved you." He whispers, admitting the thought that has lingered on his mind before X-Day started, enhancing the more he's gotten to know her, the more he's seen her resilience, the more she tried to convince him such measures weren't necessary through the collar. His heart was empty, emotions empty, only able to pick up and understand the suffering of others. He knows rationally such feelings, while impossible in this life, perhaps were more probable in another.

Before giving her a chance to decide she didn't want to be the one to grant him peace, he uses his thumb to force hers to put pressure on the syringe, feeling the needle pierce his skin.

There is no pain. He feels normal, looking at Ichika, his smile unwavering. She stares back and forth between the syringe and him with shock, more tears falling.

He raises his hand to selfishly caress her cheek, thumb wiping way the stream of tears as he continues staring at her, maintaining eye contact, at peace with himself. She starts quickly resembling an old photo, a photo reminding him of possible happier times in her company, flashes of moments spent with her appearing before his eyes ---

__

> _ meeting at the police academy, seeing her as 'the one' to truly understand him, giving him hope, intent on using her by worming his way into her heart acting as a close friend,  _
> 
> _ slowly becoming her best friend, being encouraging, taking her out to the bar to drink pints of beer, celebrate when they graduated from the police academy, assigned at separate posts but making an effort to visit each other constantly to ensure she was in his grasp,  _
> 
> _ been a shoulder for her to cry on from both stress at the job and her inability to help the townsfolk enough, sharing valentines chocolates with each other, white day, spending time together on christmas every year aside from this one, _
> 
> _ watching her cheeks flush in the darkened sky with the glittering christmas lights enhancing her features in the background with red anemone flowers scattered among the pots decorating the exterior of the floral shop, wind blowing stray petals to dance around them, some strays catching in her hair, white puffs forming from her breathing due to the cold, staring at him as if she was so grateful for his company, friendship, not realizing all of it was faked, planned, and he felt his heart momentarily clench at the realization, not knowing why-- _

She’s fading in the darkness, words leaving her lips but he cannot decipher a single one, the last coherent memory he has before his heart stopped was,

> _ smile wide on her face as she unconsciously clasps his hand with one of her own, fingers entwining. eyes vibrant, full of life, he could just count the lights reflecting on her eyes and almost foolishly wishes this sight would never leave him --- _

  
  


tears.

**Author's Note:**

> anemone flowers: hope, faith, death, abandonment.
> 
> i'm excited to read the localization of cxm's FD when it comes out. saeki route here i come im rdy for the tears aaaa


End file.
